The Questionably Classy way to handle your single Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is one of those corporate made-up holidays that most couples know they shouldn’t have to put any effort into but they still do something instead of nothing as to avoid dealing with the repercussions that would surely follow.

But for the souls that happen to soulmate-less on this particular holiday, they’re reminded in every TV commercial break of just how much love and eternal bliss they’re missing out on.

And for a split second, many singles gals out there would drop everything to be able to be in a committed relationship just for the sake of saying it.

But for some of us, sh*t just didn’t work out that way. And that’s ok.

Because there are plenty of reasons to be single and there are also plenty of ways to deal with it. Here are some things to avoid as well things to embrace this coming Valentine’s Day….

For God Sakes, Avoid This

You certainly will be forever alone if you own one of these Boyfriend Pillows. Don’t be this desperate.

single valentines day

Don’t watch any romantic movies/shows on Valentine’s Day.

It’s a death trap full of ice cream, tears and wandering minds.

avoid on valentines day

 

Embrace the Silence

“Hey babe can you iron my pants?” “What are you making for dinner?” “I know what we should do tonight! Let’s watch Jackass again!”

Ugh.

For as much as we love having guys around, there are times in our lives that a woman should be able to enjoy the freedom of not having a man in your life that you have to cater to.

Don’t get wrong, I love treating a guy like a king. But only for the right one.

Until that comes along, embrace the freedom of doing what you want, when you want, and silence around you.

doogie howser im just getting more awesome

 

Embrace your “Alone Time”

One of the things you miss about not having a guy around is simple: The sex. And most girls don’t want to sleep around, so what is one to do?

Allow me to introduce you to Amazon and James Deen.

Amazon is the online marketplace superstore that has the best prices and reviews on all kinds of goods. This includes sex toys (link obviously NSFW). For a fraction of the price you would pay at one of those home-thrown and annoying “Passion Parties,” you can discretely get the same items delivered right to your door.

To accompany your Amazon shipment, I feel it’s my civic duty to inform every woman about the wonderful world of porn star, James Deen.

Deen isn’t a typical hideous male porn-star who sits back and let’s the chick do all the work. He has the boy-next-door looks, passionately kisses the women in his videos, makes eye contact and legitimately looks as if he’s more worried about getting the girl off than just a random guy plowing a stripper for a cheap webcam production.

The best part about Deen (besides the…ahem….) isn’t that he’s making eye contact and kissing his lady friends. It’s that he isn’t afraid to take control of the “situations” he’s placed in by grabbing the back of her hair or flipping her legs in all kinds of fun directions.

Ladies of all commitment levels should follow this man’s career and guys should watch his videos and take notes. Here’s a few of my favorite NSFW videos: 12  and  3

James Deen Valentines Day

 

Still think you are going to be sad on Valentine’s Day without a guy?

Grab a bottle of wine, pick up some to-go food and watch the Maury Show. Because we all know it only takes one episode to feel better about your single life.

 

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