18 October 2011
I pose a question to you; what was the unhealthiest, most morally reprehensible meal you have ever eaten? Whatever your answer was, the dudes from Epic Meal Time have probably already taken it, wrapped it with bacon, dipped it in chocolate, deep fried it and sprinkled it with Four Loko. I have only recently been introduced to the glorious/horrifying creation that is Epic Meal Time. Not expecting much as with such a name as ‘epic’ is the internet’s favorite adjective.
I was wrong, very very wrong. Epic meal time definitely lives up to its name.
Jumping aboard the anti-vegan bashing that Blythe started earlier in the week,the premise of Epic Meal Time is elegant in its simplicity. A group of loud and angry douchebags and the occasional cute girl get together, cook, and eat monstrous reconfigurations of food we’re familiar with, all this set to a increasingly dramatic soundtrack.
Each episode most certainly results in the death of at least two animals. Each meal will top out in the tens of thousands of calories and frequently features heroic quantities of bacon and booze. Four Loko classic and Jack Daniels make frequent appearances.
Hit the title/read more to see some examples such as the Meat Salad, Slaughterhouse Special and Sloppy Roethlisburger...
This is exactly what it sounds like, the healthier side of Epic Meal Time (in theory) with only 28,000 calories and 2100 grams of fat. The Meat Salad features flank steak lettuce, salami tomatoes, sausage cucumbers, meatball radishes, pepperoni carrots, ham croutons, and lightly drizzled with beer bacon dressing.
Pictured above is the Slaughterhouse Special. Think of a ginger bread house, with ginger bread and icing replaced with meat and cheese. It clocks in at a hefty 89,000 calories and features floors made of pork, steak bricks, a candied bacon roof and is accompanied with a bacon grease/Jack Daniels eggnog.
And here’s the daddy of them all, The Sloppy Roethlisburger. 20 pounds of beef, twenty pounds of bacon, 20 pounds of poppy seed bun, 138,226 calories ‘nuff said.
Naturally, the moralistic vegan crusade responded with their own video Vegan Meal Time. Unsurprisingly, their attempt at mocking the meaty goodness of.... meat, was tragically nonsensical, unappetizing, sanctimonious and frankly kind of racist (0:07 and 1:20).
I won’t dignify that travesty with an image. I couldn’t even enjoy that movie ironically, thanks vegans for finishing the job Alanis Morisette started 15 years ago and completely ruining irony for me. But I digress.
So if you’re looking for a good laugh, a new recipe, or perhaps if your circulatory system is sadly lacking in cholesterol I’d recommend checking out Epic Meal Time.
